hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
