I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
