it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
