I think I won the penis lottery.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
