I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
