3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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