first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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