I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
