youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
