drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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