I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
