Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
