Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
