my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
