Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
