Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
