Pants 0. Shit 1.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
