you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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