If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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