6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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