wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
