he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
