I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
