god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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