so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
