...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
