Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
