bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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