so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
