Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
