Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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