It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
