You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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