don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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