He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
