Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
