shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
