i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
