dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
