Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
