Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
