i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want to make a zoo with you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
