you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry my hands just texted you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
