Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Four minutes until I can fart!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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