If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
