the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
