When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
whose parrot is this?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
