Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
