Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
