I wish my penis had an off switch
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
