don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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